I have not written a
blog in what seems like forever. And its not because I am forgetful
or do not wish to write. Its because I simply don't. I have the
opportunity, the inspiration, and I say no. Why do I do that? Why do
I withhold the inspiration that Jesus has blessed me with? Over the
past year and leading up to today have been blessed with beautiful,
and at times painful, revelations from my Jesus. HE has shown me
groundbreaking pictures of how he views he children, how he views me.
In these intimate times with the Lord where I have been able to
encounter his true essence he explained something to me. Jesus is not
a God of rules. In fact, he is quite rebellious. He is WILD.
According to the Pharisees, he was a lunatic, a crazy man. And yet,
he has this passion, this life, that is so contagious and full, that
multitudes of people would come to him and still are. And here is the
fun part, that he was so generous to explain to me. I carry that same
wild spirit. Laughing at opposition, not because I am better or
arrogant in my view, but because I know my end goal is to be more
like Christ, to do my fathers work. And if that means I look like a
fool, so be it. And he showed something to me. At some point, I lost
my childlike trust and joy, and I sunk into a hole of self worth and
restraint. I truly felt as if I could not be my self when I
worshiped, when I prayed. Whether that was in church or even in the
comfort of my own home when it was just Jesus and I (of all people I
could be myself with, right?!). I had a firm grip on myself, and was
scared to let everything out that I could feel steeping within me.
Here's the thing though, those passions that were steeping in me are
not bad things, they are part of who I am! I was withholding so much
of myself all out of fear of being different, or being misunderstood,
and I was totally forgetting the God I serve and who he has called me
to be. The best part, though, is that we serve a relentless God that
will pursue us no matter what we wont let go of. No matter how hard
we hold onto a mindset or set of rules, he will still be present,
urging me to let him in so he can let me out. The moment I caught on
to this, that he is always going to want me, always going to love me,
always going to be placing this burning passion inside of me that I
can never deny, I was filled with such a burning joy and overwhelming
amount of praise for my God and holy spirit. Because they don't care
if I dance my heart out during worship, if I speak differently than
my peers, if my eyes get intense because I'm excited about what i'm
speaking about. In fact, they urge me on, saying “Precious child,
withhold nothing! Because I have given you everything! So do not walk
out of fear but out of boldness, because that is your calling.”
You guys, we don't have to withhold who we are!! We should walk in
confidence with who we are in Jesus, because if we don't, we are
denying who we truly are. We do not have to walk in fear, or worry
about the outcomes or the way people will judge our motives. We just
have to receive!! Receive Jesus, receive holy spirit, receive the
freedom that comes with walking in step with the truth of who you are
in Christ. Let our hearts catch on fire and burn with passion for the
calling that the Lord places in our lives. That may look different
for you than me. I have this drive to be different than the world, to
be like a ragamuffin, to chase after my passions with a wild heart,
because I serve a wild God. Recently, the biggest discovery that the
Lord has shown to me, is that if I choose to receive and let go,
instead of withholding and pulling back, how many more people will
He be able to bless through me than when I do not let anything out at
all. He is taking me to high places, bringing me closer to his glory,
loving me relentlessly. What do you withhold? What are you afraid
of? Know that our father is pursuing you right now, that he loves you
right now, regardless of past, present, or future. He is burning,
waiting for you to help turn embers into flames. Receive the freedom
that comes with the truth of who you are in Christ and let your freak
flag fly! And glory be to our LORD forever and ever, because he is
worthy of our praise!!
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