Not for the faint of heart

By Susana Bridgman

"Adventure calls!" You say..
With eagerness of heart and deep
 longing in your soul you chase after the horizon

What's painted as a pretty picture
 the romantic mystery of the unknown
 is soon transposed through the awakening of your self awareness

All at once the beauty becomes terrifying,
The wild becomes desolate
You realize your alone, with no thoughts but your own.

Curled up in confusion and 
yearning for the rest and comfort of familiarity,
adventure doesn't seem so keen

What was once at the tip of your fingers
 now lies miles away, stretched out amidst 
the lands that many tarried before

Oh the toils of hard work and sweat,
 having to accomplish the feat
 before receiving the reward

They call it a "mountain top experience" 
and neglect to tell the tails of valleys
 traveled and desserts wandered

What is it's worth?  
This wanderlust they speak so high of?

Leathered, withered skin.
Eyes that glimmer, but have seen 
and felt darkness and despair.

Hands that could tell stories of the wilderness 
that proved who was superior,
 with a body that proves how 
resilient the creator made the human being.

Cracked lips, and tangled hair,
The wilderness is not fair

Blisters burning, winds that sting, 
and heat that simmers through your skin.

Animals beautiful and foul,
 trees that stretch upwards miles tall

Mountains that tease you
with their majestic appeal,

The reward that you earn isn't near as great
as the experienced gained through walking untamed territories.

Through trial and turmoil the adventurer presses on
Not by some fancy or means of performance
But by the call of the wild that torments them every step that they take

Because the true adventure knows 
it's not just a means of performance but an opportunity to be changed
To let whatever happen, happen

That you can't tame the wilderness, in fact it will make one wild

Throwing out the reserve and naivety that the young adventurer jumps into,
But walking away as an old soul that understands 
the depth to which adventure holds and that
it shouldn't be held lightly but treated with respect

Adventure is out there,
but not for the faint of heart

Freedom through Words

        If only I could put into words the huge ways that Jesus has been transforming my heart in this season of my life. Sure, I could try my best to explain it, but at the end of the day i would still feel speechless. Lately, I have been challenged by the concept of words and how much weight they can carry if they are not words that bring life into a situation. 

        I have been a victim for quite sometime of using words to describe myself that are degrading, and simply not true. Instead of basking in the freedom from holy spirit, and celebrating the joy of my gifts that Jesus has given me, I developed a strange comfort in putting myself down. But honestly, i'm over it. I declare truth over my life in Jesus name and step into who I am authentically, With this change of mindset, have come swarms of creativity and the understanding that the talents I have been blessed with are not just for my own enjoyment but to be used as a light for others. That Jesus uses my gifts to inspire others in ways that I cannot comprehend. And I praise him for that. 

        After sharing some of my poetry the other night with my dear friend Shannon, (*shout out to spirit sisters that spur you on*) she encouraged me to share them on my blog to fight against that spirit of negativity that I tend to put on myself with things that I write and just in general. I am posting this in hopes of it inspiring and bringing life into peoples lives and not letting fear get the better of me this time, because that is not how I am called to live. 

       This poem I wrote in honor of all Women. It celebrates the femininity that I feel is often times too "shushed" in our society, too personal. Its about self discovery, and figuring out who we are as women, and what we long for. It is a part of my heart that wants all women to take joy in their bodies that Jesus has blessed us with. For us to see ourselves as flawless as our creator does, and not just see it, but believe that it is true. 



-Woman-

She sits staring at her reflection in the mirror

Longingly and with gentle curiosity she gazes back into the eyes that are staring back at her

She sees what's on the inside, pieces of the young girl she once was..but she knows she is not that same girl now

No, not a bit.
"She is a Women", she whispers at her reflection
She gently grazes her fingers over her soft lips as she slowly brings them down to her neck

She turns her head ever so slightly, admonishing her features.
Her tousled hair, and rosy cheeks, her firm collar bone, her slender shoulders, and her full breasts that perch on her rib cage

She brings her hand to her stomach and laughs amidst a sigh

"Funny,.." She says "They keep telling women to be as small as little girls, but you'd think they knew we have outgrow that body type?"

She comes to her thighs, strong and firm. "I could never be in any magazines by today's standards" she pauses.."but that's ok..I wouldn't dream of living by those standards, because they do not line up with reality"

She comes to her ankles, her feet, not necessarily dainty, but she loves how unique and feminine they are.

Laying outstretched on her bed, bare, and natural. She tosses her hair and and takes a deep breath

"I am a women," she says " I am strong but feminine, confident but gentle, powerful but subtle, and lovely always. I am a women, built to carry future generations and carry on the truth to all women, to never be ashamed of your body, to never be ashamed of how you are built because that makes you exactly what you are.

Her eye lids become heavy, she falls asleep content with her discovery that a child no longer  lives inside her, but a woman, fully embraced by her femininity. That's what she truly longed for after all, she just never knew it until she saw her self for what she truly was, beautiful.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

          I have not written a blog in what seems like forever. And its not because I am forgetful or do not wish to write. Its because I simply don't. I have the opportunity, the inspiration, and I say no. Why do I do that? Why do I withhold the inspiration that Jesus has blessed me with? Over the past year and leading up to today have been blessed with beautiful, and at times painful, revelations from my Jesus. HE has shown me groundbreaking pictures of how he views he children, how he views me. In these intimate times with the Lord where I have been able to encounter his true essence he explained something to me. Jesus is not a God of rules. In fact, he is quite rebellious. He is WILD. According to the Pharisees, he was a lunatic, a crazy man. And yet, he has this passion, this life, that is so contagious and full, that multitudes of people would come to him and still are. And here is the fun part, that he was so generous to explain to me. I carry that same wild spirit. Laughing at opposition, not because I am better or arrogant in my view, but because I know my end goal is to be more like Christ, to do my fathers work. And if that means I look like a fool, so be it. And he showed something to me. At some point, I lost my childlike trust and joy, and I sunk into a hole of self worth and restraint. I truly felt as if I could not be my self when I worshiped, when I prayed. Whether that was in church or even in the comfort of my own home when it was just Jesus and I (of all people I could be myself with, right?!). I had a firm grip on myself, and was scared to let everything out that I could feel steeping within me.

         Here's the thing though, those passions that were steeping in me are not bad things, they are part of who I am! I was withholding so much of myself all out of fear of being different, or being misunderstood, and I was totally forgetting the God I serve and who he has called me to be. The best part, though, is that we serve a relentless God that will pursue us no matter what we wont let go of. No matter how hard we hold onto a mindset or set of rules, he will still be present, urging me to let him in so he can let me out. The moment I caught on to this, that he is always going to want me, always going to love me, always going to be placing this burning passion inside of me that I can never deny, I was filled with such a burning joy and overwhelming amount of praise for my God and holy spirit. Because they don't care if I dance my heart out during worship, if I speak differently than my peers, if my eyes get intense because I'm excited about what i'm speaking about. In fact, they urge me on, saying “Precious child, withhold nothing! Because I have given you everything! So do not walk out of fear but out of boldness, because that is your calling.” 

         You guys, we don't have to withhold who we are!! We should walk in confidence with who we are in Jesus, because if we don't, we are denying who we truly are. We do not have to walk in fear, or worry about the outcomes or the way people will judge our motives. We just have to receive!! Receive Jesus, receive holy spirit, receive the freedom that comes with walking in step with the truth of who you are in Christ. Let our hearts catch on fire and burn with passion for the calling that the Lord places in our lives. That may look different for you than me. I have this drive to be different than the world, to be like a ragamuffin, to chase after my passions with a wild heart, because I serve a wild God. Recently, the biggest discovery that the Lord has shown to me, is that if I choose to receive and let go, instead of withholding and pulling back, how many more people will He be able to bless through me than when I do not let anything out at all. He is taking me to high places, bringing me closer to his glory, loving me relentlessly. What do you withhold? What are you afraid of? Know that our father is pursuing you right now, that he loves you right now, regardless of past, present, or future. He is burning, waiting for you to help turn embers into flames. Receive the freedom that comes with the truth of who you are in Christ and let your freak flag fly! And glory be to our LORD forever and ever, because he is worthy of our praise!!