Living For Today

        9 months. In the beginning that sounds like such a lengthy amount of time, but I blink and its over. That is how Walkabout was for me. It was weird, sitting at our graduation around a community of people that became my friends, my family. But what was weirder, was sitting there trying to process all that the Lord has done for me this past year in my time at Camp Eagle. Before coming to camp Eagle I believed the lie that I was control of my life. My thoughts, my actions, my heart, were all based off of my own perspective and my own selfish desires. I saw the needy as society taught me to see them, which was basically indifferent. When in reality, we are all people with stories and people who long to be loved and be given affection, poor or not. Jesus tells us, “blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).

        Before Walkabout, following Jesus was what I believed but not what I lived out. Throughout the growing process of this past year our father has given me a new perspective, His perspective. That living for Jesus instead of just believing is much more radical, eye opening, humbling, and hard. The cost of being a disciple, and understanding that cost, is pivotal in my walk with the Lord.

        It went from me saying “I believe” to “I will follow”, “I will act”, “I will obey”, “I will trust.” Being a disciple to Jesus Christ leaves us no room for ourselves. Which brings me to another lie I used to believe and still find my self struggling with at times. “I am entitled.” To what?! This mindset was rooted deep in all my pride. The lie that I am better, I am deserving, and more knowledgeable. Lies. Through this experience God has started to strip me of my pride and has replaced in my heart a thorn of humility. I say thorn, because it hurts pretty bad to die to yourself, and its a slow painful experience. But something beautiful always grows out of it during the process.

        Something else the Lord has given me since my time being out here, is confidence. Yet another lie I used to believe is that I am never good enough. And the truth is, with that mindset I never was; because my attention was always focused on my self, my faults. I drove myself crazy with how much I wanted to be someone else, constantly comparing myself to others and trying to accept things for anything but what they were. The problem with this is that Christ never came into the picture. Through my time at Camp Eagle and being part of Walkabout, Jesus has found an intimate dwelling place in my soul. A place where I find stability, and truth. I place where all of a sudden I do not have to worry about my self because all that is there is the presence of an almighty all loving father that holds me tightly when I am tempted to get caught in the lies of insecurity.

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus sake. For God who said “let light shine out of darkness” has shone in out hearts to give light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face if Jesus Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:5-6

        And when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, I am speechless. Because no amount of words, blogs, or worship can ever come close to the ways the Lord is molding my heart and giving me joy though hardships and pursing me no matter what. He is alive, he is present. The trees call out his name, the wind is singing his music, and we his hopeful children should run into his arms in celebration. Because its about time we stop asking questions he has already given us the answers to, and start praising him for who he is and who he has created us to be. Let us live in the moment he has called us to, liberated from our sin that he has forgiven from our past present and future. Let us be the heirs that he calls us, running towards the hope that he promises. Letting go of our selves and holding on to Him, and the word of truth that he has breathed into all of us. “But as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way; by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger, by purity knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love, by truthful speech and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true, as unknown and yet well known; as divine and behold, we live as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing, yet possessing everything.” (2 Corinthians 6: 4-10).

       I am so thankful for all the adventures and growth God has enabled me to have through my time at Camp Eagle and doing Walkabout. Its all bittersweet that this season is coming to an end. However, I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I am so excited for NOW, exactly where God has me and what he calls me to do day to day. I am still tying to process all the ways God is moving through me at this time in my life, and keep finding myself getting overwhelmed, but it is starting to get to the point where that is irrelevant. All that matters is Him. There is no “and”, no “but”, no “why”, just Is. He IS, and HAS, and DOES, and WILL. And that is all I need. To Him be the glory, forever.