9
months. In the beginning that sounds like such a lengthy amount of
time, but I blink and its over. That is how Walkabout was for me.
It was weird, sitting at our graduation around a community of people
that became my friends, my family. But what was weirder, was sitting
there trying to process all that the Lord has done for me this past
year in my time at Camp Eagle. Before coming to camp Eagle I
believed the lie that I was control of my life. My thoughts, my
actions, my heart, were all based off of my own perspective and my
own selfish desires. I saw the needy as society taught me to see
them, which was basically indifferent. When in reality, we are all
people with stories and people who long to be loved and be given
affection, poor or not. Jesus tells us, “blessed are the poor in
spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).
Before
Walkabout, following Jesus was what I believed but not what I lived
out. Throughout the growing process of this past year our father has
given me a new perspective, His perspective. That living for Jesus
instead of just believing is much more radical, eye opening,
humbling, and hard. The cost of being a disciple, and understanding
that cost, is pivotal in my walk with the Lord.
It
went from me saying “I believe” to “I will follow”, “I will
act”, “I will obey”, “I will trust.” Being a disciple to
Jesus Christ leaves us no room for ourselves. Which brings me to
another lie I used to believe and still find my self struggling with
at times. “I am entitled.” To what?! This mindset was rooted deep
in all my pride. The lie that I am better, I am deserving, and more
knowledgeable. Lies. Through this experience God has started to strip
me of my pride and has replaced in my heart a thorn of humility. I
say thorn, because it hurts pretty bad to die to yourself, and its a
slow painful experience. But something beautiful always grows out of
it during the process.
Something
else the Lord has given me since my time being out here, is
confidence. Yet another lie I used to believe is that I am never
good enough. And the truth is, with that mindset I never was; because
my attention was always focused on my self, my faults. I drove myself
crazy with how much I wanted to be someone else, constantly comparing
myself to others and trying to accept things for anything but what
they were. The problem with this is that Christ never came into the
picture. Through my time at Camp Eagle and being part of Walkabout,
Jesus has found an intimate dwelling place in my soul. A place where
I find stability, and truth. I place where all of a sudden I do not
have to worry about my self because all that is there is the presence
of an almighty all loving father that holds me tightly when I am
tempted to get caught in the lies of insecurity.
“For
what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with
ourselves as your servants for Jesus sake. For God who said “let
light shine out of darkness” has shone in out hearts to give light
of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face if Jesus Christ.”
2 Corinthians 4:5-6
And
when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, I am speechless.
Because no amount of words, blogs, or worship can ever come close to
the ways the Lord is molding my heart and giving me joy though
hardships and pursing me no matter what. He is alive, he is present.
The trees call out his name, the wind is singing his music, and we
his hopeful children should run into his arms in celebration. Because
its about time we stop asking questions he has already given us the
answers to, and start praising him for who he is and who he has
created us to be. Let us live in the moment he has called us to,
liberated from our sin that he has forgiven from our past present and
future. Let us be the heirs that he calls us, running towards the
hope that he promises. Letting go of our selves and holding on to
Him, and the word of truth that he has breathed into all of us. “But
as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way; by great
endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings,
imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger, by purity
knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love, by
truthful speech and the power of God; with the weapons of
righteousness for the right hand and the left, through honor and
dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors,
and yet are true, as unknown and yet well known; as divine and
behold, we live as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet
always rejoicing; as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing,
yet possessing everything.” (2 Corinthians 6: 4-10).
I
am so thankful for all the adventures and growth God has enabled me
to have through my time at Camp Eagle and doing Walkabout. Its all
bittersweet that this season is coming to an end. However, I wouldn't
have it any other way. Because I am so excited for NOW, exactly where
God has me and what he calls me to do day to day. I am still tying to
process all the ways God is moving through me at this time in my
life, and keep finding myself getting overwhelmed, but it is starting
to get to the point where that is irrelevant. All that matters is
Him. There is no “and”, no “but”, no “why”, just Is. He
IS, and HAS, and DOES, and WILL. And that is all I need. To Him be
the glory, forever.
