Its Not About Me

        These last few weeks have been painful to me.  I asked God to teach me humility, however, I didn't  realize what I was asking for. Its hard to put down in words exactly what that pain feels like.  It has definitely been an experience that has been breaking me. That sounds like a miserable thing. But its surprising in the ways that God works through hardships.  Recently  I was dealing with, what scripture calls, deeds of the flesh. Strife, jealously, hate, it started making me bitter towards others. But something I started to realize however, is that those people did nothing wrong. And I kept accusing, calling out, being hateful towards them all because I was blinded by my own pride and selfishness. That stings a little.  Because its in this struggle I have learned how big of a blessing it is from God. Through this struggle, and others, I have finally started to understand what true humility through the spirit looks like. Often times it is not something you can see, and I can guarantee you that your not always going to feel it either. Because what it comes down to, is that its not about me. 

        Humility is becoming nothing before God so that He can do everything through us. I have been reading a book called "Humility" by Andrew Murray. It has opened my eyes so much to the fullness of that word. In a sense, humility is Jesus, and we our pride. I don't think I realized just how deeply rooted my pride was until I was tested with an opportunity to be humble.  Its funny to me because that's what I asked God for. Thinking "ok, cool, now I can start being humble." Not even realizing what God actually had in store for me. It hurts you guys. Being told by our heavenly father "You are nothing unless you have my spirit alive in you guiding you with every step you take. You must die to yourself desiring nothing of your own flesh but instead desiring to be an open vessel to the Lord, willing to let His spirit manifest itself in a through you."  I'm so foolish to think that its about me, its not! Its about what He is doing through me. Humility is hard. Coming before God saying, "Alright Jesus I am NOTHING, fill me up with your desires not my own. Its going against everything this sinful world clings to, pride and selfishness.


The last trip the Walkabouts went on was a backing/camping trip to Los Maples and Garner state park. While we were there, we studied the fruits of the spirit. I discovered that the more I humble myself before God and truly allow Him to intercede for me, the more naturally these virtues come out of me. Because the fruits of the spirit are blessings we receive when we walk in the spirit. They go hand in hand with each other. This concept has truly opened my eyes to the beauty of our God that we get to serve. It has miraculously filled me with wonder, joy, and thanksgiving. And here is the most miraculous thing of all, it has given me the ability to thank God in my sufferings, and to praise Him with joy through my pain and strife. Because in those times of weaknesses is when He can fully manifest His spirit  within us. We finally realize that we are nothing without the power of the holy spirit dwelling inside us and because He is in us, TO HIM BE THE GLORY! In all pain, suffering, and strife, we can praise Him with Joy and boast in Him through our hardships, because its not about us. How liberating!

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

"God created the world out of nothing, and as long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us." Martin Luther

"The only hope of a decreasing self is an increasing Christ." F.B. Meyer