Its Not About Me

        These last few weeks have been painful to me.  I asked God to teach me humility, however, I didn't  realize what I was asking for. Its hard to put down in words exactly what that pain feels like.  It has definitely been an experience that has been breaking me. That sounds like a miserable thing. But its surprising in the ways that God works through hardships.  Recently  I was dealing with, what scripture calls, deeds of the flesh. Strife, jealously, hate, it started making me bitter towards others. But something I started to realize however, is that those people did nothing wrong. And I kept accusing, calling out, being hateful towards them all because I was blinded by my own pride and selfishness. That stings a little.  Because its in this struggle I have learned how big of a blessing it is from God. Through this struggle, and others, I have finally started to understand what true humility through the spirit looks like. Often times it is not something you can see, and I can guarantee you that your not always going to feel it either. Because what it comes down to, is that its not about me. 

        Humility is becoming nothing before God so that He can do everything through us. I have been reading a book called "Humility" by Andrew Murray. It has opened my eyes so much to the fullness of that word. In a sense, humility is Jesus, and we our pride. I don't think I realized just how deeply rooted my pride was until I was tested with an opportunity to be humble.  Its funny to me because that's what I asked God for. Thinking "ok, cool, now I can start being humble." Not even realizing what God actually had in store for me. It hurts you guys. Being told by our heavenly father "You are nothing unless you have my spirit alive in you guiding you with every step you take. You must die to yourself desiring nothing of your own flesh but instead desiring to be an open vessel to the Lord, willing to let His spirit manifest itself in a through you."  I'm so foolish to think that its about me, its not! Its about what He is doing through me. Humility is hard. Coming before God saying, "Alright Jesus I am NOTHING, fill me up with your desires not my own. Its going against everything this sinful world clings to, pride and selfishness.


The last trip the Walkabouts went on was a backing/camping trip to Los Maples and Garner state park. While we were there, we studied the fruits of the spirit. I discovered that the more I humble myself before God and truly allow Him to intercede for me, the more naturally these virtues come out of me. Because the fruits of the spirit are blessings we receive when we walk in the spirit. They go hand in hand with each other. This concept has truly opened my eyes to the beauty of our God that we get to serve. It has miraculously filled me with wonder, joy, and thanksgiving. And here is the most miraculous thing of all, it has given me the ability to thank God in my sufferings, and to praise Him with joy through my pain and strife. Because in those times of weaknesses is when He can fully manifest His spirit  within us. We finally realize that we are nothing without the power of the holy spirit dwelling inside us and because He is in us, TO HIM BE THE GLORY! In all pain, suffering, and strife, we can praise Him with Joy and boast in Him through our hardships, because its not about us. How liberating!

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

"God created the world out of nothing, and as long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us." Martin Luther

"The only hope of a decreasing self is an increasing Christ." F.B. Meyer

Cassidy:

        Every so often, there are rare moments in life that capture my heart and take me to places I've never understood before. That's how I felt when I met Cassidy. I went to San Marcos with the other Walkabout students for a day of fun at the river rapids and recreation park. We had a blast, going down on our water tubes, enjoying the beauty and each others company. The day filled me with wonder as i kept getting to meet and talk to random people that came to the park that day as well.
There was one man, however, that stood out to me the most. He was sitting with a boom box under a tree, there was another man with him. His hair came down to his shoulders, dirty blonde, with two dreads on either side. He was barefoot and wearing some dirty athletic shorts and didnt have a shirt on. He had a guitar next to a battered guitar case, and a colorful scarf hung around his bare chest and neck.
        We were getting ready to wrap up our time there when it started to downpour. Everyone seemed to be running frantically, but all I could manage to do was stand there with my arms wide open laughing out of joy from the rain. As I was standing there I couldn't help but start dancing, as I squealed with delight and pure childlike whimsy, my head turned to see that man standing there, laughing with me! He held open his arms and was filled with joy, dancing with me as the rain washed the dirt off our faces; I think it was washing away more than just the dirt. He motioned me over and as i came close I could smell the stench of beer and sweat, but i didnt care. I came closer and he ran towards me, laughing, he gave me a hug, smiling, and said "you just gave me so much joy! Its been such a blessing watching all of you today." He introduced himself and said his name was Cassidy and then he introduced me to his friend called gypsy. He asked me if i wanted to sit down, and i said "sure".
        Within the next twenty minuets I was able to talk with Cassidy and Gypsy, i found out that they were both homeless and had been living out of a car. Gyspy had been homeless for a long time and when he met Cassidy, Cassidy asked him if he wanted to come along for the ride. They shared with me stories of how they had run out of gas and yet someone provided them money, they were laughing the whole time as they were talking about it. Filled with this child like trust that even though they had nothing, they knew they were gonna make it.  Somewhere along our conversation, our topic
switched to how amazing it is that God uses people to speak through others. And branching off of that, how beautiful and faithful of a God we serve. As we were discussing this, all of us soaking in the fellowship with one another, Gypsy had been making something out of some sort of plant. He paused for a second and then handed me his creation. He said "Its made out of palm leaves". It was a beautiful shape of a cross with a rose on top. He then smiled and said, "Pretty cool we serve a God who died on a cross for us huh?" "Without a doubt," i said. 
        Later that day as we regrouped getting ready to leave, Cassidy came running up, with beer in hand and grinning from ear to ear "Can I play a couple of songs for yall before ya go?" he said. We all agreed, and the next half hour my ears were filled with the beautiful sounds of heartbreak, soul searching, and love. Cassidy sang with this sound of surrender, his voice filled the pavilion we were sitting in, each song he belted carried so much weight and emotion. At one point I almost started crying. I just met Cassidy, I didn't know how hard being homeless was for him. But after hearing his songs, I felt like I had know him for a long time.
        I learned something valuable that day. Cassidy lived with this type of surrender. He had joy regardless of his circumstances and didn't make up excuse for where he was in life. He was just there, present, and loving life even through hardships. I don't know if he knew Christ, but I know he believed that there was a God and his eyes lit up when I talked about Jesus. He accepted things the way they were and carried no judgment. What I learned from him that day was not only how to surrender, but how to love regardless of your circumstances. I learned more from him in that short time than I have ever learned from a church, which is pretty sad when you think about it, but its also a reality check.
        As Christians, it is so easy for us to get caught up in religion and become blinded to the straightforward instructions Jesus called us to. His biggest commandment was to "love one another." So why is that so hard to do? Maybe its because we romanticize love too much and make it more of an emotion rather than an action. Or maybe its because we get caught up in how we think we should love people in are own way (which almost always doesn't cut it). Think about all the times
you have seen someone without the adequate clothing or maybe thought "man they need help, I should pray for them." Even though prayer is powerful, how much more powerful would it be going up to the ignored and beaten, the dirty, and worn and giving them your shoes, giving them your food, or maybe something as simple as giving them your time. Cassidy smelt like beer and body odor, he probably hadn't brushed his teeth in a good month. His clothes were dirty and torn and his hair was matted. And yet, he was the most loving and beautiful man I have ever met in my life. I felt more loved by Cassidy than by any pastor, priest, or rabbi. I felt more loved by Cassidy than most of my peers that call them self's "good Christians" He taught me what it means to be genuine, in a world that makes you fake.  He taught me to love outside of myself, and to live life in a state of surrender.

Live a Radical Life

Dillon

The other day all the Walkabout students made a day trip to San Marcus where we played at a river
recreation park. We got there excited, ready to play and hang out with one another. We grabbed our river tubes and raced down the little river rapids. As some of us were sitting there by the river, i couldn't help but notice an older man standing on a rock in the middle of the river. He seemed to be be doing some sort of prayer or meditation. He had this in depth focus, and important purpose to what he was doing. I turned to my friend Skylar (who is also a walkabout student) and said to her, "there is something about that man, I bet he has an incredible story, he seems like a man with purpose."  We got back into the water and i didnt think much about it until after lunch.
        When we were through eating we broke into solo time (a time for us to reflect and read some scripture, or pray). For some odd reason i was having a hard time concentrating. So i stood up to walk around a little and collect my thoughts. As i was walking around the van, i saw a couple yards away, that same man that was praying on the rock in the river. I sat down on the curb watching him. He was doing some sort of dance; It looked tribal. Every so often, during his dance he would shout out "YEAH!!" and then jump up and down and say other words I couldn't understand. I began noticing a pattern and could tell when he was about to jump and shout. I was curious and rather enthralled. I felt a force moving me closer. So i stood up and walked to a picnic table not too far from him. I watched him dance some more and was completely captivated. Who was this guy??
        I noticed my heart beating fast and could feel the holy spirit urging me even closer. With every
jump, and "YEAH!!" and stomp the man made, I was pulled closer and closer to the spot where he was dancing; unable to stop the fast beating in my heart. In my mind i was hesitant "what am I doing, what if this man is mentally crazy?" and yet the holy spirit lifted my feet as I walked towards him. Jumping, spinning, stomping, "YEAH!!" As I was walking towards him I laughed out of joy and utter amazement when i looked across the field and saw Skylar and Nathanial walking from, different directions, towards the man also.
        When we finally got to our destination, we all had the same question. I was the first to ask it. "Hi name name is Suzy, and i'm just curious, (*laughing out of joy*) what are you doing?? The man looked at me, his eyes sparkling, and radiating the same joy that I was filled with at the moment. He said "Hi! My name is Dillon, and I think you know what im doing." he said this with a twinkle in his eye. I asked him what he meant by that. He said, "That same God you were reading about, its the same God I dance to, i dance for him. Its how i worship." We all looked at each other, filled with wonder and amazed by how the holy spirit had just moved through all of us.  We shared with him those feelings and how blessed we were by him. In which he responded with, "Dancing is a beautiful thing, im blessed by yall as well. I wish that more people would dance, especially younger people like you. If more people danced to our creator i feel like there would be more joy in the world." He then said, "Well, im gonna be around for a little longer, so if you see me around come and say hi."
        As we walked back to the river, one big word stood out to me; bold. Dillon taught me so much in such a short time. There he was, dancing his heart out in a public park, not worried about being judged by others, not allowing what society says to rule his form of worship. He potentially could have been called crazy, and maybe he was. But that is exactly what happens when we choose to live with boldness instead of fear. When we allow our worship to be genuine. If we are willing to be bold, how many more lives would we be able to touch; even if it were in the smallest ways. Jesus calls us to bold things, if we accept the calling, think of how radical of a life we would live. Free of fear,
worry, and misconceptions. Only full of worship, praise, and joy. We need to be more like Dillon, throwing our hands in the air shouting "YEAH!!" without a care in the world but to worship our creator. Stomping, spinning, and looking crazy, because we serve a crazy God who calls us to crazy things. Be bold, and live a radical life.

Thoughts on Psalm 8

Psalm 8:3-5 “When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon and the stars you set in place- what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor.”

       

        I love this verse.  I love the whole chapter actually!  Tonight as I was taking my dog outside I looked up and my breath was literally blown away. The stars were so, striking, beautiful, and infinite. I sat down and was amazed and reminded once more of how tiny I truly am in the universe; and how incredible it is that I am even here at all. That’s when the Psalm above came to my head.   It is hard for me to grasp sometimes just how valuable we are to God.  That’s right, valuable. Just like David wrote in that Psalm, I too consider myself a “mere mortal” and nothing compared to the wonders of God. 

        

        The thing that is so important to remember is how we are Gods prized possession, his masterpiece. We are called to honor and glory, and I feel that at times we get sidetracked from that calling by the world we live in. We lose our place and value in life, we have longings and hopes and desires, that all seem unreachable. However, nothing is unreachable through Christ.  The beautiful thing about our heavenly father, is no matter how lowly we view ourselves, or how far away we stray from the truth, he will still view us how he created us: with glory and honor; and he is always willing to help guide us back to the truth.  He is smiling down on us, waiting for us to fall back into his arms and rediscover just how precious we are to him and rediscover all he has called us to, and all we can accomplish through him. 

Steadfast Love

(It has been quite sometime since i have been on here, but i expected that..However, it is my hope to rekindle my love for writing and start using this blog more often.)

Steadfast: “firmly fixed in one place”

        

       I have been thinking about this word quite often recently, and more specifically about how it relates to my walk with God.  God’s plans that he has for us are “firmly fixed.” I don’t know about you, but it is so easy for me to become overloaded with stress due to me worrying about my future or even my present situations. But something I am gradually beginning to understand and come to terms with, is that MY future, YOUR future is firmly fixed in place by our precious father Jesus. And I here I am, losing it and becoming so uptight over something I am completely helpless over.  

       

        Why do I do that? Why as humans is it our first tendency to freak out when we lose control? I could be wrong here, but maybe, just maybe it’s because it takes humility to admit that we cannot control everything.  It would mean giving up my pride, and falling at the feet of Jesus saying “Ok Jesus, your right I can’t do ANYTHING about it, I am COMPELTY helpless…” Wow, humbling indeed.  

       

       I think once we finally reach that place, instead of feeling ashamed in front of Christ we will feel a huge burden lifted off our shoulders.  Imagine laying at the feet of Christ engulfed by his embrace while he whispers to you “My beautiful child, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) We have a steadfast God, and we can rest soundly in his steadfast love.